I remember this time last year you were slowly becoming my world. My Christmas last year was weird, I was in a strange place emotionally and my family was having a hard time coping with their current life situation. The only thing that helped me smile during my Christmas Eve night at the grandmothers house was messaging you every minute of the night…I believe it was on this night that I really thought, “I love this boy.”
Shortly after I of course freaked out and pushed you away for what I believe was the third and final time…and then started talking to you again in a few weeks because I realized that even when I wasn’t talking to you I thought about you every day. From there it spiralled out of control until I was head over heels in love with you, this man who was, in my eyes, indescribably perfect for me. I would have done anything for you, absolutely anything.
But I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did and you didn’t know me. By the time I knew you in your entirety, I was still madly in love with you, still thought you were the best thing I’d ever called mine. By the time you knew me in my entirety, you didn’t love me anymore.
It’s hard to admit that you, just as you are, were not good enough for someone. It’s even harder to admit that they found someone else who is. It’s been a ridiculously long time since we last spoke, you won’t look at me anymore, won’t even acknowledge my existence. That has honestly broken my heart more than anything else, that despite the fact I tried to make you happy, though even I know I failed, you now look at me as someone who meant absolutely nothing. You hate me.
And I get to live the rest of my life knowing that…yet I still kind of miss you.
